The Taste of Bile
by Vandi
Summary: Just a short one-shot drabble touching on Kyouko's mindset after the tragedy. Rated T for violence/imagery.


_It first happened three days before winter season._

 _Things hadn't been going very well for my family lately. It wasn't as if we were suffering financially…although that had been a problem we'd faced a long time ago._

 _Only seven years ago, yet it felt like a lifetime. A lifetime before all this happened…_

 _The accusations…the glazed eyes of the congregation…the tears in my little sister's eyes at the aggressive cruelty of HIM…_

 _Right. The man that I risked everything for. And how did he repay me?_

 _By giving me a scene I'll never forget._

 _Strewn across the floor, in a sea of blood, were what remained of my sister and mother. If left to my own devices, I might've thought it was a burglar, or even an overzealous parishioner. I would've lashed out in justice, to avenge my precious family._

 _And then I had to spot the toppled podium to the side. There, my attention was drawn to a shadow lingering at the center of the altar: The shadow of something hanging from the chandelier._

 _When I saw him hanging there, lifeless and face full of tears, it felt like my whole world was shattering. My father, the man who had been the light in my life…the man I gave everything for…_

 _Why?_

 _Why did this have to happen?_

 _WHY!?_

 _Crumpling to my knees, I could only stare helplessly at the horrific sight. A sight that, no matter how many illusions I cast, no matter how much I fought, would never go away._

 _I thought that everything was supposed to be better?_

 _Something hot and acidic came bubbling up to the surface at that moment – something that normally didn't come up unless the body was extremely nauseous, or unless someone was feeling rather squeamish. It occurred to me, in a faint memory, I'd almost had this sensation during my first battle._

 _Rivers of bile came rushing out of my mouth, mixing and intermingling with the blood and flesh as it trailed along the floor. There may have been tears, judging by the salty tinge mixed in with the terrible flavor, but at that time I didn't care about what I was doing._

 _All I cared about at that time was that, despite my best efforts, my family was gone. I was all alone._

 _And it was all my fault..._

* * *

Scarlet eyes shot open, looking in horror up into the open skies. That's right, she thought as the emotions of the nightmare slowly drifted into the abyss of her subconscious, there hadn't really been an opportunity to find any shelter last night. After that battle, she was lucky enough to find anywhere safe without collapsing. Something warm streamed down her cheek, and she quickly reached up a hand to wipe it away. Had she been crying again?

No sense in dwelling on it. No sense in dwelling on anything, she reminded herself as she forced herself to her feet. Even after a night of restoration – she discovered she healed better through slumber, much akin to a regular human's body – she was still gravely injured from her previous battle. Well, getting something, anything in her system, she might recover a little better. At least her mood would improve, at any rate.

She wasn't in any state to directly steal anything, so it looked like she had to resort to digging through the trash for her meals today. She still hadn't quite figured out how to effectively steal when badly injured, but she was sure she would get it eventually.

She just had to give it time. Long enough so that the winter chills no longer tore at her skin, gnawed at her bones, whisked her vulnerable soul back to that painful-

 _Memory of the red sea, spreading all across the floor…_

NO!

Shaking her head furiously, she quickly made her way away from the cluster of cardboard boxes, yet remained within the alleyways. In this state, it was better to stay away from public eyes. That was another reason why she couldn't just directly steal; her bedraggled appearance would simply draw too much attention.

Of course, this wasn't her best choice of food types. Sure, there were many wasteful people out there, so some of the discarded food would actually be pretty fresh, depending on how soon she got to it.

That was the big thing: How old the discarded food was.

If she happened to grab one that was going bad, her body would try to reject it. That familiar acidic sensation would begin bubbling up to the surface.

 _Just like back then. All the acid, mixing in with flesh and iron and blood in a twisted cocktail…_

She slapped the side of her head with plenty of force, averting her attention from where it shouldn't have been wandering in the first place.

See, it was rather simple. If she found discarded food that was even somewhat okay, then she could eat her sorrows away and refocus her thoughts towards the more important matter of survival. But if she grabbed a bad pick, then she would have the same problem, over and over, of reliving that acidic memory.

This was why junk food was always such a good find. No matter how long she waited 'til she could devour its contents, it would never rot. It would never give her that awful feeling of nausea, the one that she felt so long ago when everything came crashing down. Its sweetness was a welcome contrast to the bitter cruelty she now had to face, and it even managed to give her solace, some form of escape.

Was it healthy? Probably not.

But it was better than what some other people used to drown their thoughts away.

Things like that man. That smell, that awful, horrible smell…

 _Bottles strewn across the office floor, clear foul-smelling liquid pouring out of its contents…like the blood pouring off the knife as that man rose above me, eyes uncaring…_

No. Bad, that wasn't a good memory to bring up either. Again, she could feel that awful acidic taste in her mouth. If only she had something sweet, to drown out that bitter taste…

However, she learned a lifetime ago that beggars couldn't be choosers. She was lucky if she received anything at all.

It was a crisp January, only two months since she'd subjected herself to a life of solitude. Snow still fell gently onto the earth, making it hard to discern anything in the garbage cans. It was always better to go for the exposed cans, as people paid less attention to what happened to its contents.

At last, she pulled out what looked like a perfectly good candy bar, with just a little rip here and there on the wrapping. Honestly, people were so picky these days. If only they knew what it was like to scrounge for your next meal, no matter how menial.

What a great find! It may not have been the most nutritious, but it would certainly fill her for the time being, and more importantly, distract her from the bitter taste in her mouth.

Sakura Kyouko was once known as the sweet daughter of a preacher, always doing as she was told and never questioning her parents' actions. But after the tragedy that befell her family due to the curse she'd placed on her father, she was now reduced to a starving orphan that wandered the streets aimlessly, her only purpose in life defeating the creatures of despair that haunted the dark recesses of the cities.

She was once a proud warrior, filled with justice. But now? She was just trying to survive. The only thing, aside from that little seed to survive, that seemed to brighten her ever dark spirit was food. The best kind of food was the sweet, flavorful foods that would never fail to drown out that acidic taste in her mouth, that taste that always, without fail, would drag her back to that moment.

She knew it was pointless, but she couldn't fall.

She wouldn't allow herself to get caught up in that horrible taste of bile.


End file.
